Jun 26, 2010

Wandering Lost

Anyone who know me would not be surprised to hear the title of this post and picture me turning around on some road, miles from where I meant to be. That is sort of how my mind feels right now. My mother passed away on June 8, and I feel like my mind is reeling with thoughts I can't organize. She had been ill and in and out of hospitals and nursing homes since mid February. So I guess I have been wandering for months.
I think if things I need to do, and then just the thought of them starts feeling overwhelming. For example, I almost never post to blogs without adding photos, but I poked around a little bit looking for one, then decided it was too hard to decide which photo to use.
Oh! I just thought of a photo I can add- I have not really been doing much in terms of creative crafting, but I have been knitting, since that is mostly (for me at least) following patterns written by someone else. So I made this shawl, called Travelling Woman, for a dear friend. (It will only be 2 months late by the time I give it to her!)
I have also been working on some cool socks called Jaywalkers, which I hope will fit me once they are done. Because I was working on them at the nursing home sitting with Mom, I did not measure as I went and made the leg part way too long, so now I have ordered another skein of yarn in order to have enough to finish.As part of trying to be kind to myself and let myself heal, I have left the mistakes in both these projects, rather than beating myself up and ripping them out because they are not perfect. I know my friend will grant me the grace of ignoring my mistakes as only a true friend can.

I have a big sewing project to work on for a family member (once I set aside the fabric I had pulled from my stash to make something for my mom) and I want to make some items for a few swaps in a fiber art group I am part of. I am hoping that will spark me back to feeling creative again and not just lost.


Tara Beaulieu said...

I saw both these photos on flickr and thought they were lovely! I can't believe how good you've become at knitting so fast! Anyone would love that shawl. :) What's the fabric project- oh are you doing something bedroomy for a niece or something?

Maggie said...

Yes, niece's bedroom. I hope to knock out a good chunk of it this week, because I only have any driving to do on one day.

ZudaGay said...

Maggie, give yourself time. :) Your shawl is beautiful, I'm sure anyone would love it and never ever notice any mistakes. What fun socks!! I've seen that pattern but I can't seem to get brave enough to try to knit socks. I hate following patterns.

Judi B said...

I absolutely agree -- healing through the grief process takes time and no one works through it in the same way. I was told (when my Dad passed in February of this year) that instead of it being a process, it's more like a roller coaster ride (ups and downs and you never know when). So hang in there! Being kind to yourself is crucial! (I wrote about my Dad's death on my own blog: http://vintagelegacystudio.blogspot.com/

As you can see, I haven't blogged since -- mostly because I am working on being kind to myself too!